I did it...kind of

On Wednesday of this week I faced my biggest fear in the whole world...needles. Let me start by saying that I am not pregnant since a lot of people seem to think this is why I am having blood work done. My doctor told me that I needed to get some tests done and while I tried my hardest to get out of it Matt had other ideas. I explained this crippling fear to my doctor so in true doctor fashion she wrote me a prescription for an anxiety pill (but I will get to that later). I was able to push it off for about 10 days to "prepare" myself (or at least that is what I told Matt I was doing. I was really procrastinating). Any way, Wednesday rolls around. I drank tons of water just like I was told to (apparently this makes it easier?) and at 2:15 exactly I took my anxiety pill hoping that it would kick in in time. We drove straight to the sadistic vampires office after work. Just for the record, I have NEVER been to a doctor's office where you get right in. There is usually at least a 30 minute wait. Wouldn't you know it, I got right in! And no, my pill had not yet kicked in! I sit down in the chair and start crying immediately. I do not know exactly how old I was the last time I got blood taken, but it has been since childhood and from what little I remember it did not go well (I'm talking doctors...yes plural...holding me down). I am feeling completely ridiculous, but I literally cannot control it. With my hands shaking and my palms sweating she has me take my jacket off and I just loose it. I will say that she was very patient with me, but I could not help but notice the "sympathetic" glances that she made across the hall to the receptionist. They proceeded to clean the area and feel around for a vein. According to her I had good veins and I should hope so, I drank about a gallon of water at work. After this everything was pretty much a blur. I buried my head into Matt's stomach, started hyperventilating and just waited for it to be over. They were talking to me the entire time, but I was not really listening. It probably only took a minute or so, but it seemed like an eternity. They tied the little cotton ball to my arm and told me I was done. Needless to say I was far from that champ that I hoped I was going to be, but I did it. I gathered my things and walked out of the office trying to not look at anyone. Since the room was open I am sure everyone was able to hear the scene I had just created. Embarrassing I know, but like I said I do not know how to control it.

On the drive home Matt was being very sweet and complimenting me and trying to instill feelings of relief, but I was still too worked up. I pretty much just felt violated not relieved. We went home for a minute so Matt could take a shower and I could clean up the make-up that had run down my face. Naturally I was not up for making dinner so I told Matt that I wanted to go get a pizza. While I was waiting for him I started to get really sleepy. An hour and a half later that little pill was kicking in in a big way! I was high as a kite. It's too bad it didn't work earlier because I think this really would have helped. Dinner was interesting to say the least. We came home and I got right into bed (it was now 5:00). Aside from waking up from the occasional phone call, dog barking and insane need for water I slept through the ENTIRE night! 12 hours with ease! It was pretty ridiculous. That next morning was interesting. I still found it very hard to focus and teaching 1st and 2nd hours did not help matters any.

Several days later I can now say that I am happy to have it done. Unfortunately I do not feel that I am any less afraid of shots that I was before. Like I told Matt, this may be something that I am never ok with. All I can say is let's just hope that I don't have to do that again any time soon.